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Sure it’s a made up holiday but like most holidays it’s just another excuse to get dressed up, get dinner and spend time with loved ones.

For the past seven years I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid the stress and anxiety commonly associated with the fourteenth. Being in a long-term relationship affords you certain level of immunity. Sure you have other stresses like getting chocolates, picking up flowers and making dinner reservations. But some would argue those are a welcomed stress when compared to the alternative, being alone.

Imagine my surprise when I found out V-Day is possibly the best day to be single in NYC. All the stories depicting the misery of singledom were totally unfounded. A happy hour with friends and an anti V-day party filled with singles convinced me that happiness and love are what you make it.

Sure I still went home alone but I wasn’t filled with sadness instead I walked home feeling fulfilled. I had drinks with my closest friends and met singles that could possibly be the one.

Perhaps you’re a traditionalist and friendship doesn’t fit into your Valentines Day agenda. Maybe you are tired of dating and just want that special someone. To those I would say stop and re-evaluate your definition of love and enjoy those around you.

She wasn’t ugly but she was shallow. An hour of pointless conversation led me to finally inquire what she was looking for in a mate. Her answers were all based on the physical. It was really sad cause I know deep down she’s a good person just stuck in this mode of thinking she’s better than everyone. It’s probably cause of her modeling background but even then, she’s 34 and those days are long gone.

After we parted I headed to a Penthouse sponsored S&M party held at Lit Lounge. I’m not really into that sort of thing but I’m curious by nature.

9:30pm
Got a beer, sat at the bar and took in the crowd. Everyone was dressed in black with some form of skull and cross bone accessory. A ring, necklace, t-shirt or belt buckle. I got it, you’re hardcore.

10:30pm
Two freelance writers (from Complex and Maxim) showed up and tried to pick up one of the Penthouse pets. She looked interested till she asked for their cards. One had a personal card, which screams freelancer and the other didn’t have any on him. Normally you could get away with this but you have to be charming and these guys looked like nerds. Sad.

11:30pm
I headed downstairs to the dungeon to see the madness.

11:45pm
Asian girl tied up this dude (totally homosexual), opened his pants (revealing his cock) and spreads his legs. From behind, she whipped him underhanded (like throwing a softball) landing the whip on his cock. Very Casino Royale. She continued to do this several times till his dick looked like it was going to explode or fall off. Which ever comes first. Wacky!

12:30am
An impish cripple guy walked around in bikini briefs. He’s short, hairy and creepy.

12:40am
A woman took off her heels and placed her feet on this guys face. He looked like he was in heaven. I bet he use to work in a bowling alley. Now where is that air freshener?

1:00am
Some women began making out and tweaking each others nipples.

1:10am
Got Bored.

As I left it dawned on me that everyone knew each other. It was cultish and that explains the dirty looks, I was a stranger. It makes sense, S&M is all about trust and you can’t trust a stranger.

It was a really nasty day out in the city.   It snowed all day and usually I love the snow but for some reason I just wasn’t feeling it.

Al and I met for drinks at Volstead and upon leaving I decided to make friends with the DJ and coat check girl.  Normally I wouldn’t mention it cause I always make friends with the help.  But this time the coat check girl was Puerto Rican and actually digging on me.  She didn’t want to have my babies but she was interested.

I think it was partly due to my taste in music.  As soon as she heard me mention Belanova, Jarabe De Palo and Mana she felt we had a common bond.  I think I might have found a Spanish girl I stand a chance of convincing into a date.

For a while I’ve held the belief that dating has set patterns dictated by the calendar. As a public service announcement and the lack of anything interesting to write about here is my quick snapshot of “the circle of dating.”

Spring Cleaning
You’ve been holdup in your apartment eating take out, watching DVDs and fucking like rabbits with that special someone or masturbatiing alone in the dark (more on this later).

The flowers outside are beginning to bloom, winter clothes are shed and the winds of change sweep thru the city but more importantly your heart. You dump your significant other or head directly to the optometrist .

Summer Lovin’
The temperature outside rises steadily, people run around half naked, sweaty bodies press up against one another and the sexual sparks fly.

If you’re a whore you sleep around with as many people as possible. Think of it like a lions gorging themselves on wildebeasts as they migrate thru the Savanna. You fatten up for the coming months when food is scarce.

If you’re a romantic you find that special someone to love forever or the end of summer. Which ever comes first . I’m betting summer.

Fall Out of Love
Summer has come to a close and you realize the relationship you had was really based on nothing more than sex and physical attraction. You pull the trigger, go your separate ways and mend you wounds in hopes of finding find that special someone.

The beginning of fall goes by uneventful but as soon as the first cold day hits everyone hustles to find someone for the long winter ahead.

Winter Break
Dating is officially over and you’ve tricked, I mean found that special someone or “decided” you needed to be “alone.”.

Tricksters j/k
Blessed with shorter days and longer nights you will fuck like mad and hopefully improve your skill set. As an added bonus you’ll find the time to get to know each other on a deeper level than just what position “feels right.” You actually have dreams and ambitions? Go figure!

This could be a good situation that eventually leads to a healhy long term relationship or marriage. It could also be a bad situation that finally convinces you to become gay or change the locks and start counting the days till spring.

Loner
If you haven’t been able to hook up, pick up a good book or a new hobby like knitting cause your dance card is fucked. Invest in lotion and Lens Crafter stock cause you will be doing a lot of masturbating. Not to mention counting the days till spring.

I’ve always been curious about speed dating and online dating or any form of dating service. Not escort services pervert . Today was my first Match.com date and it was a bit of a disappointment. My gut impression has always been that people using these sites are shy, not attractive and picky or some mix of the three. Boy was I right.

We met at Agave for brunch and she was much better looking in her pictures. She wasn’t ugly by any stretch of the imagination but it wasn’t what I was expecting. Kind of like Christmas when you want a specific G.I. Joe figure and your parents go cheap and get you the less expensive knock off. I looked past her looks and hoped her personality would make up for it but alas she was dull.

Maybe she’s a really fun person and we just didn’t click. Maybe I wasn’t her type and that’s why she never opened up. Who knows, who cares? Next date Wednesday.

No sleep, no breakfast and still raw from last nights “whoring” didn’t stop me from finally finding MY apartment. I’ve been homeless for eleven months and searching for a place of my own for six of those months.

I would be lying if I said I walked in and the apartment blew me away. The apartment was a mess, the paint on the walls atrocious, and the bedroom small. So why did I take an apartment that had all these flaws? I figured a little elbow grease, paint and imagination could transform this apartment in Ditmars into my future home.

Riding the high of finding my new home I decided to take Amy up on her invitation to see U2 in 3D. It was simply stunning. Sure it got a little long in the middle but that had more to do with Bono’s political views than the actual music and visuals.

I left the theater inspired and had a great conversation over dinner about “creativity” at Momoya. Afterwards we found this little wine bar called Veloce and drank way too much.

Lastly, Amy got me the Belanova CD I’ve been wanting. She really made a perfect day amazing.

Nights like the one I just experienced don’t come along often but when they do you have to be ready to go with the flow and squeeze every drop of fun out of them.

6:30 pm
It started out like your typical happy hour; good friends, good location (Black Bear Lodge) and a bucket of PBR.

8:30 pm
Six PBR’s later and I was making out with someone that I’ve wanted for two years. I’m not sure how it happened but the planets aligned.

I know that sounds fucked up considering I was married not so long ago but wanting and acting are two different things.

8:45 pm
A long goodbye

9:15 pm
I met up with Al and we decided to check out Forum and within seconds of making eye contact with the most gorgeous girl in the bar (the place was wall to wall gorgeous women) I was making out with her.

12:00 am
We decided to hit Vig Bar for one more drink and again lightning struck. A nurse sitting outside began to flirt with me.

1:00 am
Al leaves

2:00 am
Things get interesting.

5:00 am
I’m home. Thanks George.

Today was a mixed bag.

1. I got my hair and nails done in preparation for my two dates and weekend “whoring.”
2. Hooked up my blog with a plug-in that allows visitors to view my Xbox 360 gamer card. I’m such a nerd.
3. Saw an apartment in Astoria but didn’t like it.
4. Attended the wake of a friend’s mother.
5. Tried my best to comfort a friend, having a tough time in her new relationship.

I would usually ramble on and on about my day but it just doesn’t feel right. I’ll admit I’m tempted since the topics of death, loneliness and insecurity fascinate me. But again it isn’t right. Instead I’ll just quote Salvador Dali. When asked about the passing of his mother he replied

“I could not resign myself to the loss of a being on whom I counted to make invisible the unavoidable blemishes of my soul.”

I think it sums up the pain and anguish of losing ones mother or good friend. And also speaks to the inherit flaws of ones own nature and the need to have someone to listen.

Television
My brother has no cable. So his television is basically limited to 2 channels. Channel 1 is news that is unwatchable due to static. Channel 2 always has someone telling me to turn back to Channel 1. I feel like I am in communist Russia.

Walking Around Nude
I’m not and exhibitionist but I like having the freedom to do it when the mood strikes me.

Food Choices
I really miss opening my fridge and finding the stuff I like. Crazy, right? Take for example the other day, I really wanted to make a spinach and mozzarella cheese omelet or have a bowl of Cap’n Crunch but George didn’t have spinach or Lactaid. Note: my ex-wife ruined me by making me drink Lactaid for 4 years. Which basically weakened me and has condemned me to a life of not being able to enjoy the sweet yumminess of whole milk. Doesn’t whole milk look like Elmer’s glue? YUM!

My Own Bed
The couch just isn’t cutting it. I love being able to stretch out on my queen size bed and rolling around like a kid.

Bringing People Home
This is probably the biggest problem I have. It’s been so long since I’ve actually had company over. I’m not even talking about sleeping with women. I’m talking about having people over for movies, dinner or just hanging out.

Below you will find a copy of my To Do List

1. Look for apartments.
2. Contact V-Moda about repairing my headphones.
3. Make hairstylist appointment
4. Find new WordPress theme for my blog
5. Ask Bengt a photo / blog question
6. Get nails done.

As you can see this isn’t a long or difficult list of tasks yet oddly enough I was only able to accomplish half of these things. Why are only half these things crossed off? Am I lazy? NO!

I’ll tell you why, WORK, it always gets in the way. Imagine how productive we’d be if we didn’t have to work. We could easily get the stuff that matters to us done if we didn’t have to work. I understand if we didn’t work the machine would break down. Society would crumble beneath our feet, cats living with dogs, mass hysteria, blah, blah, blah. . . Just play along.

Perhaps the real issue isn’t work but instead the operating hours of business’s in New York or the United States for that matter. For the city that never sleeps businesses tend to close pretty early. Banks and post offices close around 3. Stores tend to close around 6 or 9.

Now I don’t know about all New Yorkers but I get the impression that most of us work late or have other things that need tending. Like picking up the kids and cooking dinner. By the time you get all that done it’s easily 8 or 9.

A while back I remember reading an article about cities that truly never sleep. In South Korea stores and restaurants stay open till 2 in the morning. In Spain and Argentina people take 3-hour breaks in the middle of the day (siesta) and then go back to work.  Forcing them to have a late dinner.

Great, now I’ve lost total sight of my original intentions for this post. Talk about a tangent. Wait I got it, to do lists are bad because they are written proof of your inability to get shit done. For those of you that always cross of everything, eat a dick, I work for a living

Paprika
Started watching Paprika but fell asleep since I was so tired. The animation style and creativity were amazing. The story on the other was a total rip off of Dreamscape but still interesting. I’ll try and polish it off before Friday.