She was already getting “sarged” by the bartender when I arrived and it only reinforced my initial impression, she was hot! Normally a guy would have good reason to get upset or even unnerved by the bartender’s audacity but if you date in NYC you know it comes with the territory.
In my experience whenever you encounter this sort of behavior it can only be attributed to:
- Your girl is hot or being a total flirt (which men usually misinterpret as “fuck me now”)
- The guy thinks you’re a push over.
- Or both
When you find yourself in this situation you need to be ready to deal with two types of pick up styles:
The Aggressive Approach
Commonly seen in the animal kingdom, parts of New Jersey and the financial district. Most of us have encountered or seen this approach in high school. The head quarterback dunks you in the trash in front of the girl of your dreams.
Or
The Subtle / Smooth Approach
This approach requires a high level of skill, experience and patience. Unlike the above approach, it is rarely seen unless your watching a movie based on James Bond or it features George Clooney (Out of Sight, Oceans Eleven, etc.)
Now there is a bit of a footnote attached to the subtle / smooth approach. Some people are born with the natural ability to charm you with their looks, gift of gab or both. I like to refer to them as “naturals.”
To my chagrin I was dealing with a “natural,” he was tall, handsome and extremely charming. Normally in this situation a man’s gut reaction is to get aggressive and try to alpha male but I’ve found this to be counter productive.
Tangent Time
A while back I almost got into a fight with this guy on line waiting to get some food. It got really heated and knew he just wanted to start a fight. Here I was, minding my business (and hungry tummy) when this guy begins to start shit. I felt the tension growing and knew I had to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand.
All I had to do was take the fight out of him by giving him nowhere to go.
- He said I was bitch. I agreed and smiled
- He said I was stupid. I corrected him by saying I was retarded.
- He threatened to punch me. I asked for a kick instead.
In theory what I did, by accident of course, was take the wind out of his sails. This same logic is perfect when dealing with the subtle approach. I didn’t get mad that this bartender wanted my girl in fact I wanted him to stick around. My plan was simple, ride his coattails and exploit the situation any chance I got.
We would listen to his stories and I would relate them back to me when appropriate. Making me the center of attention.
When we laughed at his jokes I took that opportunity to comment on her cute laugh. It was the equivalent of beating him to the punch line.
When it was time for dinner I suggested sitting at the bar. It was a trendy thing to do and it forced him to serve us. He was no longer a bartender, he was now a lowly waiter / busboy.
When she need a suggestion on what to order I let him make a suggestion and then mentioned I worked at Zagat Survey. It rendered his opinion null and void.
When she asked what he “really” did for a living he answered, “I’ll tell you next time I see you.” It was a clever way to mask the lack of a real job and a great way to be mysterious. It might have worked had I not been there but with a smug little smile I replied, “starving artist or out of work actor?”
We hit a bar after dinner and had a great time in the back room of Vig.