Today I realized god must have used the mutant prototype template when creating me. Their have been a few signs along the way like my inability to wink but I just ignored them. I figured it was some anomaly attributed to stress. But after playing Guitar Hero on medium difficulty I’ve come to terms with being a mutant.
When I first started playing Guitar Hero I sucked. I figured I needed a little practice but as I’ve continued to play I’ve noticed I’m unable to meet the non-rigorous physical demands. Did I lack rhythm or was I just overweight? Both actually but those have no real bearing on being a Guitar Hero, just ask any member of Kiss.
What I’m lacking is the ability to curl my pinky independently of my other fingers. In twenty-nine years, how did I not notice this? How have I been able to function in society without the ability to wink or curl my pinky independently?
The worst part of it all is I’m stuck in the middle. I’m not mentally or physically challenged enough to be considered a special needs individual / handicapped. And my problem is more severe than those retards that can’t whistle*.
* Public Service Announcement: Non-whistlers may at first glance seem challenged like myself but in truth they are just social deviants that are unwilling to follow simple instructions. They pander for our sympathy by posing as challenged but they’re just incompetent.
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