For a while I’ve held the belief that dating has set patterns dictated by the calendar. As a public service announcement and the lack of anything interesting to write about here is my quick snapshot of “the circle of dating.”
Spring Cleaning
You’ve been holdup in your apartment eating take out, watching DVDs and fucking like rabbits with that special someone or masturbatiing alone in the dark (more on this later).
The flowers outside are beginning to bloom, winter clothes are shed and the winds of change sweep thru the city but more importantly your heart. You dump your significant other or head directly to the optometrist 
.
Summer Lovin’
The temperature outside rises steadily, people run around half naked, sweaty bodies press up against one another and the sexual sparks fly.
If you’re a whore you sleep around with as many people as possible. Think of it like a lions gorging themselves on wildebeasts as they migrate thru the Savanna. You fatten up for the coming months when food is scarce.
If you’re a romantic you find that special someone to love forever or the end of summer. Which ever comes first . I’m betting summer.
Fall Out of Love
Summer has come to a close and you realize the relationship you had was really based on nothing more than sex and physical attraction. You pull the trigger, go your separate ways and mend you wounds in hopes of finding find that special someone.
The beginning of fall goes by uneventful but as soon as the first cold day hits everyone hustles to find someone for the long winter ahead.
Winter Break
Dating is officially over and you’ve tricked, I mean found that special someone or “decided” you needed to be “alone.”.
Tricksters j/k
Blessed with shorter days and longer nights you will fuck like mad and hopefully improve your skill set. As an added bonus you’ll find the time to get to know each other on a deeper level than just what position “feels right.” You actually have dreams and ambitions? Go figure!
This could be a good situation that eventually leads to a healhy long term relationship or marriage. It could also be a bad situation that finally convinces you to become gay or change the locks and start counting the days till spring.
Loner
If you haven’t been able to hook up, pick up a good book or a new hobby like knitting cause your dance card is fucked. Invest in lotion and Lens Crafter stock cause you will be doing a lot of masturbating. Not to mention counting the days till spring.